His Smile
by JustSmile1
Summary: Your Fred, your twin, your life- is dead.  And you didn't even get to say goodbye.


They're all crying and you don't really know why.

He's on the floor and his eyes are glossed over, and they're still crying. And you still don't know why.

Because this can't be Fred, you know it's not. You can feel in your heart he's still alive, and you're his twin right? So you would know if he had died. You would feel it. It would hurt you, but you're not hurt. You don't feel a thing, but the air around is so thick and so full of sadness that you think maybe, maybe something is really wrong. So you look back to Fred and shake your head.

Because he can't be dead, and he's not. You would feel it if he was.

So why are they still crying?

You tear your eyes away from the fake Fred on the floor and look around Hogwarts. It's weird but it is like things have slowed down, and someone has muted the sound. It's silent and everyone is in slow motion. You want, no need, to know what's wrong. Because something is very, very wrong. You look back to the fake Fred on the floor and then glance back up to your mum. She's sobbing almost hysterically and mouths two words. Just two words.

He's dead.

And just like that, it's like everything goes back to normal. Someone presses the sound button and you realise the truth.

Because suddenly, it hurts.

There's so much pain, and you can't breathe. The pain is everywhere, but your heart. Oh God, it hurts so badly. Your chest it too tight and your eyes are too dry. And you want to scream. Because Fred is dead.

Your Fred, your twin, your life- is dead. And you didn't even get to say goodbye.

You stumble forward and collapse onto the floor at his feet, not touching him, but just looking, just staring. Willing him to open his eyes.

You can't touch him. You want to shake him and smack him and open his bloody eyes but you can't. You just can't touch him, because he's dead. And you wouldn't be touching Fred, you'd be touching his corpse. And that very thought makes you feel so sick.

You see the smile on his face, still grinning from a joke and suddenly you're angry. So very angry.

It's like you can barely see, you're hurting and you're furious, but you get up and grab for your wand. You cast spells, dangerous spells, meant to kill and meant to hurt in every direction, praying that it hits the man who killed your brother. Your Fred, your twin, your life.

You smile as one of your spells hits someone in the stomach and you walk towards them, oblivious of the other chaos in the room. You look down and prepare to spit in the face of the body on the floor when you stop.

Because you recognise the person on the floor, the person writhing in agony. You don't know how, only that this boy went to Hogwarts, the year below you, you think. He was in the DA, you remember. An innocent boy, who never did anything to Fred. But you wanted him dead, you wanted him murdered, because simply, he was alive when Fred wasn't. You whisper the counter curse and run back to Fred, falling down by his side. Still not touching him.

"I almost killed someone Fred. Someone who was innocent, someone who didn't kill you."

And you swear to Merlin that Fred's smile droops a little.

XXXXXXXXX

The war is over and Harry's not dead, but still you cannot smile. And still you lay by Fred's side, not touching him or letting anyone else but just being there. Still waiting for his eyes to open.

You haven't cried yet, you realise. Fred died yesterday and still you haven't cried. Doesn't mean that there's no pain. The worst kind of pain, you think, must be the pain that hurts so bad you can't even cry. Or is that once you start to cry, it must mean that Fred really is gone. He's gone and he is never coming back. The thought alone makes your chest clench in pain, and you curl up closer- not touching but closer.

You ignore your mum as she tries to get you off the floor, saying that they need to move Fred's body and you almost laugh. Like you would let anyone else touch Freddie's body. But you don't laugh, instead you lie there and wait.

You stare at Fred's smile. The smile that looks exactly like your own and wonder when exactly you'll be able to smile again. You think probably never.

XXXXXXXXX

He finds you with your wand to your throat.

You remember telling Fred about how you would be with him again soon, and once again it seems as though he smile drooped.

He lies in the casket next to you in a darkened room. His clothes haven't changed and he hasn't been washed either. Because no one is allowed to touch him, not even you.

"I know you will hate me for this Freddie, but where you go I follow right? Don't pretend you wouldn't do the exact same thing if you were in my position. When I get there, you'll have to show my around. Hey we can meet our ancestors! Together," You remember saying to him, right before placing the wand to your throat.

And that's how he finds you. Percy.

He doesn't look shocked or surprised, but like this was what he was waiting for. Like he knew it was coming.

You frown at him, and close your eyes, preparing to whisper the spell.

"It's incredibly selfish of you to do this, you know?"

Your eyes fly open and you want to growl at him and tell him to bugger off, but you're not sure how. You haven't spoken in so long.

"Mum's already lost a son, though dad's taking it worse than her. Not that you'd know."

He's right you don't know. It's not that you don't care. You just need to stay with Fred, you need to see his smile. You can't leave him, imagine if he woke up and you weren't there to comfort him. No, you need to stay here.

"You know what George, I would never have thought you would have just given up,"

And with that Percy leaves. He closes the door behind him, and you're happy that he's accepted that this is your choice. But then you remember.

"_We fight right Gred? We fight to death," Fred smiled and you grin back. _

"_Right Forge," you agree, tuning out the loud crashes and yells in the castle. _

"_We don't give up? Not ever." Fred presses and you frown at how almost desperate he sounds, as if he has to know the answer, like he has to be sure before you go to fight. _

"_Right," you agree with him again and he laughs. _

"_See you on the other side then mate," he grins and you wrap your arm around him and pull him in for a quick one armed hug. _

"_Love you Freddie," you whisper quietly. _

"_Love you too Georgie," he replies back softly. _

_Then you both cough in a manly way and run back to join the fight. _

You blink and stare at your brother. Your Fred, your twin, your life.

He wants you to live, but you don't know how without him. It hurts too much. You can't do it. You need to be with him again.

But you also know that twins can never be separated. Not truly, and though you might be parted in this lifetime. You'll see him soon. After all life is short and you know he'll wait for you.

And that all he wants, all he really wants is to see you smile again.

So you lower your wand and you smile, ignoring the first tear that rolls down your face. 


End file.
